I watched a short video clip in horror recently. A woman opened the rear door of her vehicle, dragged out a little girl—even as a toddler I presume to be her own daughter fell off the car—lifted her up and hit her on the ground.
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The girl, who is probably under 10 unless her growth is stunted, was obviously the maid of the woman. I do not know what her offence was, but you can never justify such cruelty to domestic member of staff. Did I just say staff?
My policy has always been, if you cannot stand your maid/relative anymore, return to sender. About 18 years ago, a relative of my wife came to live with us. She was not a maid and we did not treat her as such. She had a queer and mean behaviour for a girl of her age. I kept tolerating her until she did something one day and I snapped and disciplined her. I would have given my biological child a similar treatment.
Thereafter, I did not feel alright with my action and I knew she would do it again because it looked like she was doing things to get back at us for reasons I never got to know. I did not want to lay my hands on her again, so I told my wife she had to go. One morning, we took her to the park, gave the driver extra money to buy food and take care of her on the way. She left my house.
I sent her away for two reasons. I do not like to lay my hands on any female and she made me do it. I also did not want her to get me into trouble with the law or God. She had to go. There are a few people in jail right now and what was their offence? They engaged in acts which bordered on cruelty to their maids. Some of these maids died from burns or injuries. Now they are in jail over what should not have been an issue.
By the time another relative came to live with us, I had learnt some lessons. When the first relative was around, I put her in a public school and something happened. One day, one teacher called her omodo(Yoruba name for maid). I had to go to her school to tell them that she is a relative and not a maid. It was then one of the teachers told me that many of the students in the primary school were maids. So when another relative came to stay with us, I had to put her in private schools for primary and secondary schools. Only university was a government school. I felt the school environment might have affected the behaviour of the first relative.
Now let us get something clear. If you are bringing a young relative to stay with you, let it be just that, a relative, whose parents are probably poor or dead and you want to help out. That is the only way you can justify an under-aged child staying with you. Treat her well like your own blood that she is. Even though she is older than your children, she is still a child that needs nurturing. She can never be a substitute for a nanny or maid. If she is not worth the trouble, if you feel she is not worth your love and resources, return to sender.
Under no circumstances should you maltreat her. These days, Nigerians are showing more interest in their neighbours’ affairs. If you maltreat your domestic staff, your neighbours will report to the police or other relevant government agencies. You might join those who are already in jail if you are not careful. You either love them and treat them well or send them away.If you want a maid, go and get someone, who is at least 18 years of age, to employ. Do not bring under-aged children from the village and make them your maid. It is immoral; it is also child labour.
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Now is the best time to send her away. We shall be entering 2020 in four days. Do not enter the New Year with that heart that is bitter and cruel towards that relative living with you. Good enough some of you are in the village for the Christmas and New Year celebrations. Hand her over to her parents. Insist even if the parents beg you to take her back.
Some of these parents have lost their sense of reasoning to hardship. Always have it at the back of your mind that if you come back with that little relative you treat as a maid and you cause her grievous harm, you can end up in jail. Not even the parents, who begged you to take her back, can help you. It is beyond them; it is government versus you. Be wise.
STOCKTAKING
The year is coming to an end. It is at such times that businesses take stock. You too should take stock of your life: physical, spiritual, financial, health, family, relationships, etc. Year 2020 will not be different if you do not take stock and make changes.
Your physical wellbeing is very important. I have realised that the older you get, the more the need to exercise to stay healthy. Unfortunately, exercising gets more difficult and stressful as you age. You need to overcome this contradiction as you grow older. Of course, your health is tied to physical wellbeing, so you need to take your health more serious in 2020. Beyond exercising, you have to watch what you eat and drink.
Relationships are very important in our lives. Cultivate new healthy relationships and nourish the ones you already have. If there are frail or strained relationships you need to repair, please go ahead. But you must cut off toxic relationships which diminish or draw you back. As we have discussed before, relationships that add value to your life are assets, while those that diminish you are liabilities. Jettison toxic relationships in this New Year.
One relationship you need to pay special attention to is your spiritual relationship. As human beings, we stumble on a daily basis, but we must keep walking and striving for a better spiritual relationship with God. This is especially so as we get older. Every new day brings us closer to our grave. Moreover, Nigeria can do with more spirituality (not religiosity o!). In addition, many families are broken. The New Year also offers a new beginning. Heal and restore your family in this New Year.
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Finally our finances. We are dealing with external environment and internal environment. External environment is essentially outside our control, but our internal environment is ours to control. If 2019 was not favourable, you need to learn from your stocktaking and do something differently. I wish you a fruitful 2020.
Vanguard